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I have too much time to think, eat and shop. I hate the unrewarding challange of resolving disputes between the kids, and I don't get to meet the kind of people I am intrested in. Directors, professors, scientists, researchers, lifeguides, psycics, smart intelligent guys who don't like to party every weekend. Do projects, study all the time, learn new things about society, science, technique, language, writing, acting, public speaking, leadership and co-operating. I want to have a schedule in a classroom with dedicated students next to me, motivating me and inpiring me. Have breakfast alone in the morning, go out and take the car to school, meet my male friends for first class and then lunch at a very suitable time in a healthy cafeteria. Go for a walk with someone and discuss what we are studying and then return to class. Have activities like tennis in the afternoon and track, dancing and kickboxing. Have my own apartment and a boyfriend who does not live with me but stays the night very often, and vice versa. Go for a year abroad, like in Australia, New Zealand, France or some unusual country. I would like to speak french fluently.

Right now I am on a year abroad, taking a useless photography class, going for runs and walks on the same place every day. Feeling more and more hopeless and unambitious, unhappy and uninspired. trapped in a house, stuck with a routine where all I do is chores that anyone could do. Hate my new friends who has half the IQ levels that I have, feeling embarrased about what I do and surpressed by the family I live in. Guilty every time I eat something and very focused on weight and excercise, just because i have nothing else to do but to focus on that. I want a busy schedule where I do not have any food in reach until its time to eat.

I want to be a fulltime student.

What should I do? Quit, go back? Quit, change family? Make a bigger effort to find more classes? I feel paralysed. I make innocent attepts to google for more info about classes, other tings to do in the US but the results are fruitless and I stand corrected. I am stuck.

I want to go and see the psycic, I just need someone elses opinion even if he or she is just a faker. I need advise, guidence and an outsiders point of view. I am willing to pay. 50 bucks or less. This can't go on. This is doomed to ruin me. Time is running out. I need to do someting right now.